My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
