if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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