i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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