good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
