girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
