apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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