I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
