i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
