i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize