you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
