i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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