For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
