soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize