I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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