She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
