Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Damn victory sex feels great
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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