Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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