The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this boner is exhausting
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
