we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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