I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize