It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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