I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
