Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
