I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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