Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
