PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
