Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
