i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize