At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
