Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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