Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
