remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
