why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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