so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
