PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
