My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
