i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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