How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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