I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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