VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
