I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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