i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
