Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
