My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
