this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
