I think my fart just growled at me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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