Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
