You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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