Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
