I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
