True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
