You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
