The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
