Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
