We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
