Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize