24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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