I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
