I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
