In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
