okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
