Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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