Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
