I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
