The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
