I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize