I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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