If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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