No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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