I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize