Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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