No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my liver is dry heaving
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
