I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
