My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
