it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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