Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
